* Why do we sometimes want what makes us feel unsafe?

Sit down with us here, and let’s talk about desire. Desire can pull us toward a person, a feeling, an experience, a substance or a behaviour, even when another part of us knows there may be a cost. Why? It is definitely trying to tell you something here.

Sometimes we mistake intensity for intimacy. Anxiety for excitement. Being wanted for being valued. The relief of finally getting someone’s attention for the feeling of being loved. Our brains are surprisingly creative when it comes to convincing us that what we want is what we need. But intensity is not only found in relationships. Food can create comfort. Alcohol can create relief. Sex can create connection. Shopping can create excitement. Achievement can create worth. Scrolling can create escape. Which is slightly unfortunate, because your phone is extremely good at offering reassurance. It just isn’t particularly good at solving the problem. A substance, a habit or a behaviour can temporarily give us a feeling of calm, control, pleasure, connection or even intimacy.

And that is what makes desire so complicated. The thing we reach for is not always what we are really looking for.
You may eat because food gives comfort, but later feel disconnected from your body. You may drink because it helps you relax, but wake up with more anxiety. You may seek sex to feel wanted, but leave feeling emptier. But you don’t have to turn every desire into a self-improvement project. Eat the chocolate, sleep all afternoon, buy the shoes, drink the Coke. The question is not whether you should ever indulge, but when something you enjoy starts taking over your life, limiting your choices or leaving you worse off than before.

The desire is doing something for you.
That’s the important insight. The question is whether what you reach for is actually giving you what you need, or only giving you a temporary version of it.

This is where the values you define in MyCoreJourney can become a powerful reality check. Not to tell you what you should want. But to help you see whether the things you repeatedly choose are aligned with what actually matters to you. We all reach for things that regulate us. The question is whether our way of regulating ourselves is aligned with the life we want to build.
The work is learning the difference between what feels good because it is genuinely nourishing, and what feels good because it gives us relief from something we do not yet know how to face.
Your desire tells you something. Your values help you decide what to do with it.